Getting Through the Writing Grind

It's about that time in my writing calendar for hearing back from the Florida Writers Association about my various submissions. Both to the annual anthology contest - this year's theme was "Thrills and Chills" - as well as the Royal Palm Literary awards. 

Welp. I heard back from the judges on the Annual and... I did not make the 60-story cut.

I knew it was a long shot - they get so many submissions - but still I'm sitting here wondering "what the hell do I have to write... HOW do I write something that will appeal to others?"

I know the rule is "write for yourself" foremost, but c'mon, you're writing so others can see your work and be entertained if you do it well.

I hope that my blog writing - which relies a lot on my journalism expertise for pithy and concise wordcraft as well as my librarian background on research - can be more impressive (I did win a Silver for one blog article two years ago, but I struck out last year. Sigh).

Part of my writing logjam is having about five or six ideas at any one time and then failing to focus on getting one done in a fast-enough manner to make it relevant to the moments that inspire me. Part of it is the doubt that creeps in along the lines of "no, wait, people aren't going to grok that" or worse.

I look through Submission Grinder from time to time wondering what I could submit to, or start working on to fill an editorial request, but I get stumped and frustrated second-guessing myself on what those editors really want.

I read enough to know what the markets are like, I write enough to feel I have a knack for it.

But most of the time I just despair. This isn't a hobby anymore, or a lark.

A Writer's Lament

There is nothing more heartbreaking to a writer than the loss of the USB flash drive that contained every Work-In-Progress and archived story you've ever written.

/anguished scream

With luck, the flash drive is merely dropped behind or underneath some furniture in my house. Bad luck would be if it had fallen into a trash can and already placed in the condo unit's dumpsters.

/anguished scream repeated

The good news is I've done backups, and I have older flash drives that contain earlier versions of stuff I'd written and were working on before the newest flash drive. Unfortunately, everything after 2018-19 was on that flash drive, and if I try to go back and restart stuff... well, if I gotta I gotta.

There was also a lot of personal stuff - photos, family docs, research - on that USB that I'm missing as well.

ALWAYS HOLD ON TO YOUR FLASH DRIVES, PEOPLE.

 

Starting that Podcast: Book With the Blue Cover

Well, I taught that class on Podcasting... and I still missed a step or two.

But I started this, a brief introduction to Book With the Blue Cover, and let's see how far this can go.

 

 

Please comment where you can! I'd love the feedback! If you can't post here or at the Buzzsprout location, tweet me @PaulWartenberg kthanx.

How I Write: Interview by Writers 4 All Seasons

In honor of getting "War of the Murder Hornets" published in volume 8 of Strangely Funny, my local critique group Writers 4 All Seasons offered to interview me about my process. Here's the clip:

 

Excerpt:

4. Who are some of your favorite short story writers, living or deceased?

I loved reading Ray Bradbury when I was in my pre-teens. I've found compared to some of the other short story writers that I enjoy Bradbury's character developments. He had an economy of style, as though he used exactly the right words to describe scenery and people. He had a rather vivid and also macabre imagination: Bradbury may have been classed as a fantasy/science fiction author but a lot of his short stories were darker and more horrific than anything Stephen King produced...

I also wanted to meet Bradbury to tell him about how when I was younger I was in a middle school story contest where the Second Place winner had plagiarized one of his stories, so I wanted to let him know he only got Second Place among eighth graders, alas... ;-)

Keep writing, people, and PLEASE buy Strangely Funny VIII now available in Print and Kindle eBook!

As March Rolls Out, April Rolls In

I know I promised to find a work I had on the backburner and clean it up for possible publication through IngramSpark to see how the experience went.

Well... one month later and I haven't gotten anywhere near fixing that project and getting something going.

There's every excuse I can throw out there, but the basic answer is I am just not feeling it. I'm bummed and stressed about three to thirty things that don't even have to do with writing, and I'm bummed and stressed about that.

I'm looking back at about ten years of working on NaNoWriMo projects and finding not a one of them - whittled down to five solid candidates - grabbing my interest to get done.

Even with Camp Nano starting again this April, I am feeling challenged and unmotivated.

I am one of those poor souls in dire need of a Muse. Might be Thalia (for humor), maybe Clio (for history/non-fiction). It's a damn shame the Greeks never set up Muses for Sci-Fi / Fantasy fiction. :/

Anyone know the hourly rates of a good Muse?

If I Can Clean It Up, I Have A Work To Publish this 2019.

If you note my habit of writing for November, I will on occasion finish a rough work-in-progress and win the NaNoWriMo prizes for crossing the 50,000 word mark.

Now that I've gotten a few side projects out of the way, I am re-tasking myself towards cleaning up that particular WIP and using a particular prize to get it out to the world:

A self-publishing discount with IngramSpark.

In case you're not a librarian or bookstore manager, Ingram handles a lot of book and AV distribution. With the growth of self-published works, they've jumped into that market - competing with Amazon's Createspace, you might have heard of that - and they bring to the table an advantage of providing print / ebook for market to libraries and brick-and-mortar stores (the stores are not obligated to display books, but you may be able to make personal arrangements with stores in your area).

As a distributor, Ingram has a decent reputation, so this may be something that can help a self-published guy like me find an audience.

We'll see. First things first, EDIT MY DRAFTS. :)

Busy New Year's Day 2019

Just been doing a few things here and there.

• I got the "Face In the Light" submitted to a magazine, see how the response goes.
• I am updating my web address info for self-marketing. I went out and snagged a new domain that I will use to redirect people to the blog here. Which may involve me renaming a few things here and there on THIS site.
  The new address is www.paulwstories.com 
• I am redoing the Writings Tab on the menu above, adding book covers to the links to provide visual info for people to follow. This is still a work in progress and may involve a complete rehaul of things.
• I am about to start work on a specific story for a specific submission, may the Old Gods and the New protect us.

Hello, 2019!

If I Want To Get Serious About Submitting Works

I did learn a few things while attending the sessions at FWA this past Saturday.

At the "Writing and Publishing Short Stories" program, the presenter mentioned a website called The Grinder as a warehouse tracking various publications asking for stories.

https://thegrinder.diabolicalplots.com/

You can search by genre (it has Fantasy separate from Scifi separate from Horror separate from Romance separate from Humor... wait, Humor? Hmmmmm) and by other elements such as fees, royalties, and type of blood sacrifice needed to get accepted. It doesn't limit searches by deadlines, so you'd have to look at each entry to see when things are due.

But here's a good motivator for a writer who wants to get published, and in different locales and different genres. I'll be looking.

Pinning This

Just pinning this here as a link to refer back to if I get the urge to submit stuff.

There's a Publishing And Other Forms Of Insanity blog that keeps track of indie mag and small press anthologies that I could submit short works to. I think it's not so much a deadline I need to find as it is a carrot to entice me to write something, ANYTHING, within a topic.

Anything for a challenge.

I AM STEALING THIS MAP

As a science fiction geek and struggling writer, I NEED THIS.

The map is via Boing Boing, and is derived from an online thread from RPG.net forums.

Doesn't matter if it's Star Trek, Babylon 5, Blake's 7, Doctor Who, or Red Dwarf. This map is YOUR 'VERSE!

Except for Firefly. Miranda's not on this map.

Prepping for NaNoWriMo 2016

Okay, so National Novel Writing Month is officially every November, which is now NEXT MONTH.

That means a few things:

1) the NaNoWriMo website resets itself.

2) I need to submit a proposed book idea and proposed cover (optional, but fun to have).

3) The Lakeland FL Region will reset, which means I got to start managing the threads and the notes and the Calendar again!

4) I really need to come up with a good book idea this time.

Sigh.

For all the times I've NaNo'ed, I've yet to complete a "finished" work past the 50,000 word count. The remainders that follow in my wake are - upon re-evaluation - a bit messy even before the need for actual revisions to where I'm almost embarrassed by them.

I need to - NEED TO - come up with an idea I know I can follow up to its conclusion. I'd REALLY like to get one of these things honest-to-God done.

So, a quick poll to anybody willing to leave a comment. Should I write:

1) A fiction novel, focusing on the Talents superhero 'verse I've been working on?

2) A non-fiction novel of political ranting - which I kinda do anyway - during what will be the most anxiety-riddled election month in recent memory?

Please let me know what you think.

And get ready to NANO people! Word Sprints start in 27 days!

Things About Writing on Labor Day Weekend

I've tried before to do a lot of writing on these long three-day weekends. It's time away from work. Living alone, I don't have many distractions in the house aside from my kittehs clawing at the furniture. There were a few years I even tried that 3-Day Novel contest of Anvil Press set for this weekend (never worked out, GODS that's an insane contest).

Still, this is a good time to get at least a handful of short stories started (or even finished).

Except for one thing.

It's a long weekend.

And I have a La-Z-Boy recliner.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

July CampNaNo Results

Well, I got my designated word count over 50,000... so that means

Of course the novel itself is still a mess and needs heavy revision.

And there's about 52 other things I need to get done before this month is even over.

Still and all, I feel the need to get something published soon. Just not this rough draft. Gotta keep writing...

NEW Book Published - Surviving the Age of Obstruction

I may have mentioned from time to time that I had purchased a publication deal with Xlibris a few years ago. Well, ten eleven years ago, actually.

Long story short, I decided to just get the contract done with, take a sampling of essays/articles I write on my political blog You Might Notice a Trend, and put it into book form. It's doable: many a newspaper or media columnist collect their works in such a way - Molly Ivins for example - to have available as a collection. Sort of like a Greatest Hits album.

So, I went and put my political rants into something I can show to my friends and enemies. Surviving the Age of Obstruction: Notes on the Obama years.

It's a look back at eight years of political madness, a pro-Obama, anti-Republican work that delves into my apostasy and my observations on how Obama - and the nation - endured it all.

I submitted the final proofing two weeks ago. The book has been available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble's websites since last week. I just got a copy from the publisher this weekend.

There is something incredibly satisfying about holding a physical copy of your book. A tangible sensation of completion, of getting past a finish line. It's different than publishing an ebook, as there's a lack of a trophy of sorts - the printed book - to make that completion feel real.

Just to note, the process from submitting the rough draft to completed physical copy has sped up the last time I did this. Last of the Grapefruit Wars - my short story collection - took a few weeks to go through the editing and proofing process, and then took another two months for print availability (the point of Print-on-Demand is that the book is saved on file and physically printed on an order-by-order basis).

I know some of the people reading this blog may not know about my political ranting blog, but you can check that out, I have the link available above and over on the right menu lists.

Now all I need to do is ask about oh 500,000 people to buy my book. That shouldn't be too hard...

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2016

So, while I've got a bunch of projects floating out there, MIGHT AS WELL START ONE MORE!

ow, stop hitting me! Just go visit http://www.campnanowrimo.org and find out what I'm shilling!

Actually, I'm going to be using this upcoming July Camp NaNo to re-start that Ocean Dancers plot idea I had two years ago and take it into a different direction. I like the idea, and I wanna mess with it, but I've looked at how I've painted myself into a corner (again) on the first run and I'm thinking I need to try an alternate path.

So, now. It's going to be How to Invade Earth And Get Away With It.

this won't be the final cover, this is just a placeholder/
motivator to get er done.

I worry the book title's already been done, although WorldCat is telling me I'm in the clear on this.

If anyone in Central Florida area wants in on the Camp NaNo Cabin I'm in, leave a comment here or contact me at the CampNaNo site (under the name of "Witty").

My Paradox on Vacations

One of the sad truths of my life and librarianship profession is that I get a lot of vacation time as part of my benefits... but I don't earn enough to afford any decent vacations that I could go.

It's been like this every place of employment I've been - public AND academic library - where I have all this time I could take but no means to take them... I've capped out accrued vacation hours nearly every place I've worked, it got so bad when I was with Broward Libraries they insisted I take leave one year just so their HR computers wouldn't tank on my data. A following year the county offered a payout to cash of a set number of hours, which I took... and then added up all those vacation hours again because I still couldn't really afford a trip on the money I had in hand (which kind of went towards paying off part of my college loan debt I still had).

I did go on a week-long vacation last year - to go see Gettysburg on the anniversary of the battle, plus watching the 4th of July fireworks from the DC Mall - but that wiped me out financially even including the extra money my parents helped me with.

So here I am, kinda feeling like I need to use up leave 'cause I've capped out my vacation hours yet again... and yet I've got nowhere to go.

The smart thing would be to take little trips to places I can visit within reasonable driving distance - state parks, the beaches, museums - but going by myself to a lot of them is... well... sad.

Other thing I can do is get some more writing done, take the week off to complete any number of unfinished novels on hand. But that's feeling more like work than time off.

I might mix one or the other. We'll see.

Strangely Funny III The Print Version. The Publishers Sent Me a Copy

And it's now sitting on my bed.

The THIRD book out of FOUR Volumes (there was a .5 version in there somewhere)

This means that the print version of the book is now available through retailers and online via Amazon and through any retailer that you give the ISBN number to: it's ISBN-13 978-0996420969 and if you tell them that they can pull up the record for ordering.

I really hope people like my story - the follow-up to "I Must Be Your First" - titled "Minette Dances with the Golem of Albany" and that people who purchase copies of the anthology leave behind good reviews of it, Please and Thank You.

If You EVER Have To Teach A Class on How To E-Publish Your Writings

Just remember to have the PROPER pixel size on your damn JPG file for your e-book cover BEFORE you teach the part of the class on how to actually upload everything to get published.

/headdesk

Next time, Bartow Library attendees, next time I'll have all my ducks in a row like I was trying to teach today. Sigh...

I'll finish uploading the e-story on my own and let you know what it is. Just a little disappointed with myself tonight for messing up that one little OBVIOUS thing I forget to check. DRY RUNS, damn you, do a test to make sure you got the steps right. /trout-slaps self

In Which We Annoy Author Nathan Cromwell - We Think - With Five Questions Until He Gives Us Ice Cream

Once again, with many thanks to fellow writers who submitted stories to the upcoming Strangely Funny III humor/horror anthology coming soon to print and currently for purchase with Amazon Kindle, I have questions to pose, answers in need, and craving for... for... PEPPERMINT!

MUST

HAVE

THE MINTY FLAVOR OF A WARM WINTER NIGHT!

...I've been told it's April and I should stick to my diet.

Oh, right. The interview with writer Nathan Cromwell. Kind of goes like this:

Question 1: What inspired you to write stories with a humorous bent?

In high school I read “The Idol’s Eye” by S. J. Perelman in a humor anthology and hunted up a book of his writing. I was so taken by the joy of language and sense of play that I wanted to do that, too.

Question 2: Which is harder, writing a horror scene or writing a humor scene?

About equal, but if I see the characters clearly the scenes come together faster. Both shoot for an emotional response from a subjective audience. You can overcome the ‘I don’t like that kind of humor’/‘that doesn’t scare me’ hurdles by making sure the reader understands and cares about your character. If you set it up right, they will hold their collective breaths as the banshee creeps up on the ingenue, and laugh when it gets a face full of expertly thrown coconut creme pie.

Question 3: So was Mad Max Fury Road robbed of Best Picture at the Oscars or what?!

Splunge! (I’m not being indecisive.)

MEDIOCRE! (covers mouth with Wilton 710 Silver Mist Food Spray)

Question 4: If you had a choice between classic monsters - the vampire, the golem, the werewolf, the ghost, the gill-man - which one would you throw a coconut custard pie with whipped cream at?

Ghost—because when it passes through and hits the person you really wanted to paste, you can look all innocent and say, ‘I was aiming for the ghost, dude’.

Question 5: and why did that pie end up hitting Humphrey Bogart instead?

Because Bogart is a ghost, trapped to incorporeally repeat actions from when he was alive and be seen by people sitting in dark rooms, and, as I’ve noted above, I love throwing me some pies at ghosties.

About the author:

Nathan Cromwell does not exist except as Ken Hueler, who will tell you to go looking for Nathan Cromwell because he can point you to Ken Hueler who has information on Nathan Cromwell, which he secured during an intense interrogation scene with Ken Hueler who admits seeing Nathan Cromwell on that very night in question.

His recipe for greasy grimy gopher rice cake can be found at https://nathancromwell.wordpress.com/ and whatever you do DON'T CLICK on that 3-Dimensional Icon of Bill Cipher in the third-left-hand-corner of the UNIVERSE!
...
You clicked it, didn't you?
/universe ends

In Which We Haunt Kevin Wetmore Until He Agrees To Answer These Three... FIVE QUESTIONS!

As part of promoting the new-to-Kindle and soon-to-be-in-print Strangely Funny III Anthology, I am blackmailing the writers who submitted to the anthology to answer these three FIVE questions so that they may cross the Bridge of DEATH passing over the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Today's victim is Kevin Wetmore. ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, ERE THE OTHER SIDE HE SEE!

WETMORE: Ask me the questions, Blogkeeper! I'm not afraid!

Question 1: What inspired you to write stories with a humorous bent?

I think my output goes back and forth between straight horror and humorous horror.  I'll write a piece about a haunted house killing children and then turn around and write a story about a family of ghouls adopting a retired cadaver dog.  I think being a horror fan is to appreciate the grim side of things.  It also doesn't hurt that in my other life I am a standup comedian.  One of the most memorable moments of television when I was a child was watching "An Evening at the Improv" hosted by Vincent Price, one of my favorite actors (I was a weird kid).  Price came out and said he thought the audience might be surprised to see an actor known for horror hosting a comedy show, but he has a sense of humor, just like everyone else.  He then paused and said, "So, two mangled corpses walk into a bar..."  I thought it was a great joke, but also a good setup for straight horror too.  I look back and think, man when I heard that joke, on some level I thought "I want to do that, too." 

Question 2: Which is harder, writing a horror scene or writing a humor scene?

For me, no question - horror is harder.  I find it pretty easy to slide into the absurd or the humourously grotesque.  In fact, sometimes it is a problem in writing horror in that I realize I am drifting into parody or camp or the piece is so over the top it is not scary but kinda goofy.  Writing a scene that stays with the reader, that gives her or him the chills and cuts a little deeper is always a challenge for me.

Question 3: So was Mad Max Fury Road robbed of Best Picture at the Oscars or what?!

Yeah, but are you surprised?  All of the awards ignore genre except for special effects.  The fact that Norman Reedus has never been nominated for an Emmy or a Golden Globe for "Walking Dead" is proof that the award-givers are prejudiced against genre.  And, speaking now as an actor as well, which is harder: to play a realistic scene in an office or a bedroom and make people believe it is real or to play a scene which has animated corpses attacking people and make the audience believe it?  In terms of good, old-fashioned filmmaking, Mad Max Fury Road (with mostly in camera effects and an A list cast) deserved far more recognition than it has gotten.  But remember, the year Citizen Kane came out, "How Green Was My Valley" won Best Picture; the Year Star Wars was released (a film, it should be noted which might just be the most influential film in history), "Annie Hall" won best picture.  Which one now appears dated and which one has profoundly changed Hollywood?  Awards mean nothing.  Did you like it?  Good.  Who cares who else recognizes it?

Question 4: If you had a choice between classic monsters - the vampire, the golem, the werewolf, the ghost, the gill-man - which one would you throw a coconut custard pie with whipped cream at?

Easy question - werewolf.  When he stops to lick his fur clean, you can capture him and then the fun really begins.  It'd be wasted on the others (goes through a ghost, falls off the gill-man, and what good is cream pie on a golem? 

Question 5: and why did that pie end up hitting Humphrey Bogart instead?

Long story.  The point is, we all agreed not to sue each other and Bogart and the werewolf ended up buying a timeshare together.  Happy ending!

Fools.

The real answer to EACH QUESTION was and forever is: Not Enough Llama. Prepare for the incoming punishment...

Kevin Wetmore is an actor/writer/stunt coordinator/piemaker/carwasher/academic professor/bellboy from the corrupt multi-dimensional prison known as Los Angeles. He has strong alibis regarding his whereabouts on all occasions due to his busy work schedule, so he doesn't have to answer any further questions regarding that incident with the guy at that place with the thing, besides he has an attorney on the way and he knows his Miranda rights, so there nyah.