Getting Through the Writing Grind

It's about that time in my writing calendar for hearing back from the Florida Writers Association about my various submissions. Both to the annual anthology contest - this year's theme was "Thrills and Chills" - as well as the Royal Palm Literary awards. 

Welp. I heard back from the judges on the Annual and... I did not make the 60-story cut.

I knew it was a long shot - they get so many submissions - but still I'm sitting here wondering "what the hell do I have to write... HOW do I write something that will appeal to others?"

I know the rule is "write for yourself" foremost, but c'mon, you're writing so others can see your work and be entertained if you do it well.

I hope that my blog writing - which relies a lot on my journalism expertise for pithy and concise wordcraft as well as my librarian background on research - can be more impressive (I did win a Silver for one blog article two years ago, but I struck out last year. Sigh).

Part of my writing logjam is having about five or six ideas at any one time and then failing to focus on getting one done in a fast-enough manner to make it relevant to the moments that inspire me. Part of it is the doubt that creeps in along the lines of "no, wait, people aren't going to grok that" or worse.

I look through Submission Grinder from time to time wondering what I could submit to, or start working on to fill an editorial request, but I get stumped and frustrated second-guessing myself on what those editors really want.

I read enough to know what the markets are like, I write enough to feel I have a knack for it.

But most of the time I just despair. This isn't a hobby anymore, or a lark.

Camp NaNo July 2021 Results

Short take: I couldn't finish the project again.

Long take: Every time I tried to sit myself down to write, I couldn't do it. I felt no inspiration, no spark, could not find the words to commit to the story even though I *know* where I want that story - and several others I've left in limbo - to go.

I even took a few days off from work to see about getting a lot of the rough first draft done. Barely got a chapter out of it, and I'm not impressed with what I made.

I've been looking at myself in the mirror a lot lately, coming to terms with a few things, and at the top of the list is the realization that my depressive moods have returned. The pandemic anxiety, general loss of contact with friends in real life, and other unhappy truths about my lack of a social life seem to have left me drained.

So I am going back to the psychiatrists/psychologists to see what I can do to get myself out of this funk (again).

Just in case, if anybody's got a link to a Muse of inspiration, let me know what the arcane rituals are to summon one.

Alas.

 

Getting To the End of a Year 2019 Edition

This is also in some respects the end of a Decade (2010-19) and time to not only review a year but review an era.

I started off 2010 unemployed as a librarian, struggling to find even part-time work, not getting back into the profession until 2013 where I've been thankfully for the last six years.

Writing-wise, I've been keeping up with NaNo here, a few short story submissions there, two self-published books (one an anthology, the other a set of political essays) but still nowhere close to a full-scale novel to call my own.

There's been a lot of personal changes along the way. Sad ones, like the loss of my kittehs Page (died 2011) and Tehya (died 2013)... but good ones, like the arrival of Ocean (literally on my doorstep Halloween night 2013) and Mal (literally as a litter during the Fourth Quarter of the Denver vs. Seattle Super Bowl 2014).

Still coping with depression, with anxiety, with a meager social life, heading into 2020 coping with major surgery that still needs to get scheduled so I can know exactly when to go into full panic mode before the doctors hit me over the head with a hamma to knock me unconscious.

There's more to say before the end of the year - still have to type up a Year End's Book Reviews - and we'll see about me taking care of a writing project soon, very soon.

In the meantime, I've barely done any Christmas shopping for Saturnalia. Shame, Witty... shame...

I Got NaNo-Nine Problems...

Quick update on my writing for this month of July:

(cricket chirping)

I was hoping that by going with a time limit - 40 hours - instead of word count, I would be gliding into the writing process of an hour here, a couple of hours during the weekend there, that sort of thing.

The first full week of NaNo writing and I haven't even found an hour to get anything done: not a paragraph, not one sentence or bit of dialogue.

I am finding myself sitting in front of a computer monitor suffering from depression, self-loathing, and anxiety... not all of it writing related.

I've headed out to places away from home, to avoid distractions. It's not working.

No excuses here.

I need to find my motivation. A muse. Something.

Writing Out of My Blues

I am struggling to find the time and the motivation to write.

That's all I can say at the moment.

As March Rolls Out, April Rolls In

I know I promised to find a work I had on the backburner and clean it up for possible publication through IngramSpark to see how the experience went.

Well... one month later and I haven't gotten anywhere near fixing that project and getting something going.

There's every excuse I can throw out there, but the basic answer is I am just not feeling it. I'm bummed and stressed about three to thirty things that don't even have to do with writing, and I'm bummed and stressed about that.

I'm looking back at about ten years of working on NaNoWriMo projects and finding not a one of them - whittled down to five solid candidates - grabbing my interest to get done.

Even with Camp Nano starting again this April, I am feeling challenged and unmotivated.

I am one of those poor souls in dire need of a Muse. Might be Thalia (for humor), maybe Clio (for history/non-fiction). It's a damn shame the Greeks never set up Muses for Sci-Fi / Fantasy fiction. :/

Anyone know the hourly rates of a good Muse?

Getting Dumped By the FWA 2018

Why did they even bother to tell me I was a Finalist for the Royal Palms when I wasn't even going to win an actual award for it?

They're telling me that based on the scoring rubrics, I passed the Finalist grade (yay) but because so many others ALSO passed that Finalist grade (argh) I still REALLY didn't earn a Third, Second, or First place.

What a f... (stern pause) Why do this to people, okay?

Don't tell me I'm a Finalist and THEN tell me I didn't actually win anything.

I was better off just thinking from earlier I was a Semi-Finalist (they told me that first) and not a Finalist, because then I wouldn't have been sitting there at the Awards ceremony getting my guts yanked out.

Let Not This Year Be a Hard One With Writer's Block

Yeah.

I'm having a hard time focusing on any writing project right now.

Wanna know how bad it is?

I haven't taken the Christmas tree down yet.

I think if I don't get that tree put away by Valentine's Day, I need to see somebody about my chronic depression again. :/